Stepping Off Into Your Dreams
by Angelia Ong in Creative Arts | No Comments Yet | Add your comment

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As the final article in my series of articles, I approached Ehsan who had also taken the plunge into the frightening world of pursuing his creative ambitions to write a segment on how he came to take this step.

Ehsan:
I sent in my 3 month notice (sealed in a blue envelope since it was the only one available) resignation letter on a beautiful morning in March. I went in, met with the director in the meeting room, and gave him the envelope. We talked about my decision for a while before I left to tell my team. On the way down, I glanced at the face of one of the animators hard at work, and I realised that I spent all night thinking that this being one of the riskiest steps I have ever taken, but to him, it was just another Wednesday.

Well that’s life for you. My leap of faith did not begin with foreshadowing that led to a huge momentous moment, but with a letter in an envelope. There was no orchestral music in the background, just the sound of my own footsteps and the fading click-clacking of keyboard presses as I went down the stairs. No applause or jeers, no end credits or a fade to black. Still, I should have totally put on Clint Marsell’s Lux Æterna on my Walkman as it happened. Goddamnit.

The next 3 months were spent writing and tying up loose ends workwise. I decided to keep the whole thing quiet and most only knew of the decision on the last month. It was great, to be honest. I spent a little bit more time with my close friends than before. I knew some of them since my first week of University, and we trudged through the heavens and hells of animation production together and personally, they were one of the reasons why I wouldn’t want to resign. Yet dreams are dreams, and the biggest regrets we have are the ones where we allow dreams to remain as dreams in our sleep.

I have always wanted to write, to tell stories ever since I read the epic drama about Peter and Jane, and their dog Pam. Still I have always chickened out, and went in a chase of more parental-approved dreams such as being a scientist, an engineer, or something-something in the field of information technology. But my textbooks were always filled with more doodles than numbers and fiction rather than facts, and I was getting more and more depressed. For a while I blamed my parents (They pushed me into this mess!), and then I blamed the Malaysian educational system (It’s still stuck in the age of the industrial revolution!), but then slowly I realised the only person to blame is, myself.

In theology they call it free will, our ability to make choices in life. I realised that I could if I wanted to, just started out in a journalism course 6 years ago, or written a novel. I could have chosen, and what has really stopped me all these years was myself. Paralyzed by the fear of what-ifs, the ultimately problems of no existence. Life is what you make for yourself, and you only get one shot at it anyway; why not spend it doing what you really want?

Now seriously, I have no idea how I will make it as a writer because you know, it is called a leap of faith for a reason. Yet I realised that I am not going into this for money or fame, but to write and tell stories of all sorts. As long as there is a medium for storytelling, be it like this article, a script, or comics, I am glad to just write for whatever reasons there are in the world.

I admit that sometimes it feels like I am constantly staring into an abyss. I had promotions to look forward to and paychecks that come monthly. Now it seems like everything is in a constant state of chaos and the future in shards to be placed back together again. One by one, the pieces have to be picked, and placed in the order I want it to be, but it will be done. After all, what do I have to lose?

And here I am at the point of the leap, before I will start to fall or rise to the sky. And I suppose well, this is the part where it gets interesting.

Geronimo.

Ehsan Azharuddin worked as a screenwriter and audio designer for a computer-animated film “Geng: The Adventure Begins” and its spin-off series, “Upin & Ipin” for Les’ Copaque Production. He then helped helm the marketing department of the company before being the General Manager of the gaming branch, LC Games Development. He is now pursuing his dream of being a full-time writer and screenwriter. You can reach him via Twitter or Facebook.

His heartfelt account would definitely get those of you who are teetering on the brink of “should I? shouldn’t I?” Another article of Maria Brophy’s – Why You Should Have A Death Wish – which I re-read recently also seems appropriate here.

Life is full of surprises; some welcomed, some much less so. Circumstances may change in a blink of an eye or with a word or two and you’ve to ask yourself this, “Am I doing what I love doing, or am I just doing what I’m doing as it’s expected of me?”

I hope that these articles have in some way inspired you to look into pursuing your passions and dreams. I would like to leave you with a short poem that would hopefully give you that nudge forward.

Don’t be afraid
Don’t be afraid to express
how you feel,
Don’t be afraid to pursue
your hopes and dreams,
however futile they may seem.
Don’t be afraid to explore new
avenues and horizons,
Don’t be afraid to fight for what you believe in,
or care for,
it is always worth it in the end.
It may not be easier,
the right path is very rarely one
paved with roses and gold,
but one thing is definitely clear,
Don’t be afraid…….
(Angelia Ong, 1996)

Thank you for reading my articles and for the support. Pursue your dreams as it is what the foundation of life is made of.

ABOUT THE COLUMNIST

A lover of words and storytelling, Angelia co-runs a creative consultancy that also works with a collective of creative talents. She is also involved with Pekomik and believes that comics aren’t just for kids and good storytelling transcends all mediums and languages. She believes in the motto “Fortune Aids the Brave” and that passion in whatever you do will get you far. You can reach Angelia via Twitter or Facebook.

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