It’s all mine
by Nell-Lynn Perera in Mind+Body+Spirit | No Comments Yet | Add your comment

Share

Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? - Jalal ad-Din Rumi -

A few years back, I believed that freedom is a state of mind. Today, I believe freedom can only be truly ‘felt’ when the mind has been mastered; When we are masters of our minds.

My mind no longer controls me. It no longer dictates what I do, how I react, how I behave. This mastering of my mind did not come easy, yet the irony is, it was so easily accessible. I simply did not access it. I did not know this one simple practice would bring me everything. Would give me liberation for my self.

I knew, and I spoke what I knew. But I wasn’t living what I knew. For years I did this. I tried, but I kept faltering. My mind took me places I didn’t want to go. As a result, I did things I regretted. I continued to negotiate with life, each time life seemed to have an upper hand at the outcome. Still I spoke what I knew.

As time went on, I gained knowledge, but I didn’t know how to use it as I lacked wisdom. I was holding the keys in my hands but I didn’t know how to use them. At the end, I found myself holding rusty keys that were starting to look and feel like nails instead. It frustrated me even more, for now I knew, but I still couldn’t. Still I continued to speak.

I once read a line on an acquaintance’s facebook, which said; ‘I will not be inspired by darkness.’ I found it amusing as it is precisely a dark phase in her life that has brought her to the bright light encircling her. So I know I am exactly unlike her, I’d say: ‘I shall be inspired by everything, including darkness,’ There is a great comfort and joy, as a revelation about ourselves usually follows a phase of darkness in our lives. Even in darkness there is beauty, a stranger said this to me. Once again, it is up to my mind to decide how I deal with things and feelings of this nature. My mind.

I was desperate to master my mind. I knew that my life suffered because I had fallen prey to my own mind. When I finally did master my mind, my world changed incredibly. It was that simple, yet it took me what felt like forever to achieve. I now live what I understood and spoke for so long. Finally. I am free from my mind. And I only managed to do this when I silenced my mind through meditation. No other method worked for me.

The ultimate shift happened when I became ‘aware’ of my mind and its character. I was in control of my actions as a result of my thoughts. Everything became clear to me when I understood that my mind was not me. My mind is made of thoughts. There were days when it felt like a battle was taking in place, other days, a speed chase at 200 miles per hour. Obsessive thinking, dreaming about the future while thinking about the past, reliving old grieves, fears and failures. My mind did all this to me and I followed. Held captive. To answer Rumi’s above mentioned quote I would have said – because I am not in prison (1), because I didn’t know how to step out (2) because the keys I held to let myself out wasn’t working (3). Ultimately ’4′ happened when I seized control of my mind after years of reading, aloneness and seeking within. It happened through meditation. I understood my mind best when my mind was silenced.

I finally comprehended this without my thinking, without rationalising things. I realised I could read a library and still not be where I am today because I finally understood that knowledge is mostly mind based, but freedom is something that resides on a plane unaccessible by the mind. One simply has wings to choose carefully, to be aware, to have insight. Everyday since attaining this, I live my life with this in mind. I remind myself that the health of my mind is in my hands, that it is detrimental to my well being, as it totally dictates the world I live in. It has liberated me from my self. All the barriers that my mind had set me up against, that I had been caught up in, was lifted. The veil was lifted. I experience things for what it is and people for who they are. I gained clarity and I was no longer fooled by frivolous shallow thinking that hindered me from experiencing things and people. A deep insight was offered to me. Instinct, intuition, I have all this in abundance. As I gained mastery over my mind, I found peace within my self. I was set free from my own self. I stepped out of the cage that was my mind. And I became free. I had finally found freedom.

Free from everything, everyone.
Free from fear, guilt.
Free from the past and the future.
Free from all.
A land of vast beauty and peace stands before me,
because within, I feel vast and am at peace.

I bow my head in gratitude everyday, for I have found my dear self. I have finally met her.
And I love her in abundance.

‘Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.’ - Jalal ad-Din Rumi -

ABOUT THE COLUMNIST

Nell-Lynn Perera’s favorite past times are writing proses and painting. Being able to connect with people through them has encouraged her to continue doing both with a growing passion. Many times upon reading her poems or looking at her artwork, people assume that she’s living through what she wrote or painted – not necessarily so. She writes to inspire people mostly, even if it’s through a dark piece of writing or art. In life, she’s realized most things are relative. And everything shall pass. This is the beauty of life.

View Nell-Lynn Perera's Column